Bennett North

At least the benefits are good


If you follow my Twitter/Instagram, you might know that I started a new job last month at a place that, if I had to guess based solely on the items I’ve found in my office, is basically Miskatonic U. Every day I discover new, exciting, and potentially carcinogenic things.

First things first: I hope the building doesn’t catch fire, because here is the evacuation plan on the office door:

The Burghers of Calais evacuating the building in an orderly fashion.

Inside the filing cabinets is a surprising amount of long-expired food, such as twelve-year-old tomato soup and a packet of soy sauce that had not been in liquid form for a long, long time. Ever wanted to know what happens to mayonnaise packets after seventeen years? No, you don’t.

By the looks of that box, I think the spider escaped.

I also started playing around with Snapchat’s selfie filters, which automatically recognize any faces in your picture and apply different effects to them, like making you look like a vampire or like you’re barfing rainbows or whatever. It’s fun, except when you suddenly realize that there are more faces in the picture than you had expected:

That’s my wall ghost. They’re pretty chill.

Sometimes, I’d find something unexpectedly beautiful, like when the printer jammed, leaving the toner on the drum in the shape of the sheet music it had been trying to print.

Sometimes I’d find something less beautiful:

And some things were just fucking bizarre:

Anyway, that’s my excuse for the long gap between blog posts. I’ve been busy cleaning and washing my hands so, so many times. So many times.